I would love to hear from you…your letters, feedback, suggestions, critique, etc. It’s been a while. It’s about time for some submissions from you. I am working on my collection, so let’s see what you’ve got for me.
Dear who ever wants to read this….
I do not want to fall into this long drawn out sadness. It can, however, be so inviting. So easy to just let the tears go instead of restraining them. I find myself in the most awkward moments, I sit and wonder what is making me what to cry right this instance. Makes no sense. It makes laying in bed and thinking of nothing, falling in and out of sleep seem glorious. Such a stereotypical depression, huh? I suppose it may just be why I fight it so. I won’t tell you I put on a smile and go about my day, wear a mask, remain strong, act this and do that…it shows, I know it does. Just don’t know if I will give in and let it consume me. I’ve been there, it was…whatever.
I don’t know how much longer I can fight it. Just leave me alone and let me be sad. Why do you want to disable me so? I would like to function and be sad at the same time, is that to much to ask for? Selfish I suppose. Being selfless is what brings me here every time either way.
If that’s the case maybe I should remain selfish and make requests on what kind of sad I would like to be. Sad on the inside not on the outside? Sad but not sad enough to confine me and have me rot? Only half sad…
I am surprised I had the energy to write to you. Not that bad after all?
lazy sad girl
Dear Oldest Love,
It is so much pressure to understand. Having someone live up to how you made me feel…it makes me sick thinking I may just never find that again. That feeling that I may never run fast enough, be in your arms long enough, as if time was always running out and I needed to take advantage of every second. It in fact ran out. I am embarrassed as I am ambushed by all these feelings. I swore to myself that you would never make me cry again. It has been years and just the thought of that overwhelming emotion of knowing love, it’s you.
First time I have ever admitted it. I refuse however, to allow you to be the only one to melt my heart. I know it’s out there, I pray it is. It will be amazing and beautiful. Something you would have never understood and still don’t. I have grown so much since our days. I would like to think I am better then going back to you. It stings my soul thinking I am destined to our toxic tragically beautiful love. Tragic it surely is, beautiful it always was. Even still… years later.
Our audience that watched us all those years…they inquire, wonder, question. Would you ever? Have you thought? I know you will. It makes me nervous.
It won’t happen. I refuse to allow myself to do that again. It was so intense, so hurtful, so young and immature. It scares me to pieces.
My Dearest Readers,
Life has taken me for a spin…as it is expected to on most days. I think more and more of my unsent letters, how many times I need to read what has been written, or how many more I need to put on paper. I feel full of words, emotions and jumbled nonsense that is prying its way out of my skull. I am searching for the ability to restart my collection. Know that I want too, plan too and am trying my hardest…
Just another lost soul coming back for more.
dillingisalive asked: What an amazing group of letters, concept, very touching. Keep it up.
Your words are appreciated and encouraging. It brings me back to where I long to pick up a pen and drag it across the pages, in hopes of creating more letters. Soon I hope…thank you.
I may have just found my smile, my happiness, and my breath. It scares me to death, however I am willing to take the chance this time. Let’s do this. I look forward to the letters, the warmth and adventures. Onward we go…
I wonder where you go when you are gone, what you think about, and what you are doing. I miss you terribly. You always come back, but it will always make me wonder. I wonder if the next time you disappear, if that would be the time you do not return to me. See you soon…I hope.
You had never made my heart jump or stomach turn like the way you did tonight. 900 miles away and you made me feel like a child. I twirl my hair, bat my eyes and pout my lips. All the while on the inside I’m doing flips, loosing my breath, feeling my blood pumping quick.
All this for what? You are no good for me and I know this. You know this. You say I don’t want to be with you. I corrected you…you don’t want to be with me enough to realize what you’re doing to us.
You won’t ever let us, be an us.
I love you, but I hate you for it.